This is the last week of school for my two kids and a sense of overwhelming panic came over me this morning. I made a list of all of the millions of things I feel like I need to do this week before summer hits and the kids are home with me all day, every day. Then all of a sudden, I had one of those reflective, out of body moments where I could see myself but from a different perspective.
I am a former working mom who worked full-time and even occasional nights and weekends. I worked really hard at my job and worked my way up the ladder over several years. I loved my job and the sense of pride I gained from my accomplishments. I loved the fancy heels and outfits and the sense of responsibility. I loved having my own assistant and being a true boss. I loved the power and I thought it all made me so happy.
And if truth were to be told, I did not understand stay-at-home-moms, or SAHMs. I didn't know what they could possibly do all day or how they could be "busy" at times. I didn't understand their lives or where their sense of pride or accomplishment came from. I judged them. I assumed if I was ever a SAHM I would be in the best shape of my life and basically workout and make healthy meals all day long. I thought I'd be the queen of pinterest and volunteer for any/all school functions and have warm, homemade cookies in the oven when my kids got home from school. I assumed SAHMs were meeting other SAHMs for lunch every day or drinking margarita's together at noon. What else could they possibly have to do all day? I thought wrong. Way, way wrong.
When I was working full-time I remember being absolutely exhausted and just feeling like a mouse in a cage running on one of those spinning wheels but never actually getting anywhere. I was constantly barking at my husband to help more, cook more, clean more, do more, BE more. I convinced my husband to get a house cleaner because that would surely help me survive and have less to do. It didn't. Turns out there's always something else to clean or cook or do. Since I wasn't cleaning the floors as much anymore then my attention was on cooking or decorating. I remember not having any time to give to my family when I finally got home from work and the gym because at that point I was exhausted and there was only a few hours of the day left before the kids had to start their bedtime routines. I missed out on games and memories because of the sacrifice I was making to work. I told myself I was contributing to the family and that my kids were able to see me work hard and understand that sacrifice later in life. I told myself lots of other lies about how important I thought I was and how successful I was at my job and how it all was awesome. It wasn't. I was exhausted mentally, physically, emotionally, and I missed out on so many things. I realized all of that while I was out on leave for 4 weeks after a major surgery. I realized my family needed me now, not my salary or my self-importance. They needed their mom and their wife and partner.
At first, I remember calling my best friend laughing that I didn't know what to do with myself all day and asking if all the SAHM's just laid around and watched tv all day. Thank you best friend for not being able to reach through the phone and smack me because I definitely deserved it. SAHMs bust their BUTT'S just as much as working mom's, if not more. There, that's my epiphany! I apologize to all SAHM's for underestimating what your roles are and have been for your families. I apologize for assuming you were relaxing and taking the easy way out of life. I apologize for judging you without having any freaking clue as to who you really are. You are so much more than I realized.
What do I do all day now as a SAHM? Well, let me just tell ya! I've never averaged so many steps in a day as I do now. I used to look at my fitbit when it would remind me to move every hour and laugh as I sat in front of my computer for hours on end. I'd eat my lunch in front of it and struggle to drink the amount of water I was trying to drink. Now, I'm blowing my fitbit out of the water. I've taken on more responsibilities around the house again, stopped the house cleaner, and allowed my husband to focus on his job. I no longer nag him to help cook or clean or make the kids' lunches. That's my job. That's my contribution to the family in addition to many other roles, but I actually feel like I'm contributing to my family way more now by helping out with actual things that need to be done rather than just saying I am contributing because I'm bringing in money. Money is great, don't get me wrong.
I've had to make a lot of sacrifices to stay home now. No more shopping at Kroger and just buying whatever for the sake of time. I clip coupons, shop at Walmart and Aldi's and buy what's on sale. I try to stretch out the food in the pantry a little longer and not splurge on things I want but don't need. My husband knows I still have a hefty wish list... pool for the house, camper for every single weekend we're at a baseball or softball tournament or showing cows, and many other smaller things. But I realize the sacrifice I made is paying off in ways that mean so much more than what money can buy. My kids get the real me after school. There's actually time for playing baseball in the yard, or roasting hot dogs on a fire on the farm, or helping with homework, or just sitting on the porch talking about life. I have time for them now and they notice. They've made so many comments on how much they love me being at home. That fills my heart with so much more pride and accomplishment than any job could ever possibly give me.
I might just spend my day cleaning toilets, doing thousands of loads of laundry, changing the sheets and running out of time to do that workout I had on my list, but my heart is more full than it's ever been. My family gets my attention, my priority and my love and I'm so proud to be a SAHM. I love all of you working moms out there who don't get to make this choice but I just hope you won't judge another SAHM for the choice they've made. We are all in this together and one day you might just need a SAHM's help and you'll be so happy they made this choice too!
I've got 10 minutes until the kids get home from school and rest assured there are no homemade cookies in the oven, the laundry isn't done (is it ever?!) and I didn't get my workout in again. But my kids will be home and I'm here to greet them and give them my attention and for me, that's all I need on my to-do list.
XOXO,
Ashley
My mother told me 38 years ago that kids never died from a messy house. Have fun and enjoy those kids !